jezebel, save your charms

I started out liking Firef0x, I did. But now, it has turned into a pain in my ass. All these windows pop up when I'm navigating from one place to another. Some bull about encrypted stuff and blah, blah, blah. Hey! I just want to sign on to blogger. Do you think I could maybe blame a lack of posts on my firef0x?

I, being the amiable person that I am, called skanky girl via her mother and her mother told me that she would call and find her and have her call me. She never called. Actions speak louder than words and I really wanted to talk to her before she got home. Something about her being safely away. I'm not going to do the big confrontation. I am not going to try to kick her ass. I will quietly (and as classily as possible) tell her that she is a waste of my time, a waste of any energy I might expend upon her self. I will tell her that now, she has not only proven to me what a fucking skank she is, but to everyone in town. And how does it feel to know that while everyone might be nice to your face (because after all, we all really DO have manners, regardless of how it may sound!), that you have lost the respect of anyone who might have held some for you in the first place? And then I am going to turn, walk away, and leave it forever. This time, I will not forgive her. This time I will not apologize for being a bitch and this time, I certainly will let her continue to feel uncomfortable and like she's walking on glass. I feel stupid for blowing up, I feel immature for reacting instead of going to the people involved. Lessons learned, my girl, lessons learned.
I will be civil to her at work (nothing more, nothing less, Dad would KICK my ass). But other than work interaction, no words shall be forthcoming from me.

I hate it that this girl knows so well how to get to me. I hate it that I let her. And why me? Why does she keep doing this to me? Do I have some huge 'Kick me' sign pasted betwixt my shoulder blades? I don't know what I ever did to her in the first place that has made her carry such a grudge about me. Before the whole J thing, all I ever was was her friend. I didn't trust her but I had her over at my house, I took her grocery shopping. I was NICE. And this is where it got me. Oh well, lessons learned.

The boy is hopefully going to get to go riding today. He loves it so and the lady that takes him and his cousin, A, loves it as much. She really gets a kick out of watching them learn and teaching them. They are both so into it that it just makes me happy to see them get the chance.

Little sister has posted on how fast she is falling for her guy. And he, her. I wasn't going to say anything because whatever I say sounds like I am jealous and snotty. I worry about her. I always have. She tends to fall fast and gets hurt. I know it is her life and she makes her choices and by god, she has the right to do so. I just hope that she won't take it too fast with him because (as I put in my comment) things that burn fast and hot, well, they have a habit of burning out rather quickly. And, so far as I can see, it isn't going too fast. It's not like they spend every waking moment of the days together. They aren't together every night. They haven't even spent any sort of time together, sober. Maybe they just think it's happening fast? Maybe it just feels that way, with the late night talks and all. All I know is that they are good for each other. They kind of balance each other out. His drinking might get in the way of that, and that's kind of disheartening to think about. I just want them to be careful with each other. Because as good as they are together, they are really great as friends, too. Just be careful with your heart, Merce. I hope that you know I say this, not in a disapproving tone, but in an older sister worrying sort of tone. And I say it as someone that has fallen prey to the same sort of feelings with the best friend of your man, only to be brought to my knees because *gasp* all those late night, after drinking chats? Turns out they didn't mean SHIT. All that cuddling and the never ending "I love you"s? Didn't mean a thing. Not that S would do that to you. I think that he is far more mature and honorable than his friend. All I am saying is, just tread carefully. I don't want to see either of you hurt and men, well, you know my opinion of them this week; they are wicked, wicked creatures!! Although, in defense of S, he is probably one of the more gentle, easy going, sweet men I have ever met.

I read on BzBiff's blog about all of the tribulations and trials she is going through with her kids. I write she is going through, but with one of them living here, it should probably have been affecting me. Amazing to me that I didn't have a clue anything was going on with the teenager, I mean, beyond the drama that happened when her sister was her. But, it's not like she tells me anything really personal or anything. I suppose it's because she knows that I would tell her mom if it was something I thought she needed to know about. I try not to take it personally when she runs to Merce and spills her guts. I think it might be because she sees me as an official adult, grown up, parent... take your pick. In a way, it makes me feel good that I can fool the world with my front. Other than that, it makes me feel old and like someday soon, I will look in the mirror and Erma Bombeck will be staring back at me. Well, maybe not as old as she looked when she passed, but you get the picture. OLD. And for crying out loud I'm only 28 (29 in less than 20 days). Something about an old soul.