the end to a withering kind of day

There it is, the sun as it goes down. The thunder clouds have been building and receding for the last couple of days. They build up and smother us in humidity and then blow away. It has NOT been pleasant.

We survived the weekend, barely. Prone to fits of rage and pure irrationality, myself, when bathed in sweat and baked by the sun, I don't know how any of us escaped unscathed. Only one of the motel rooms had an air conditioner and it is quite accurate to say that we slept in the bowels of hell as it's the only place I can think of that might be comparable in uncomfortability. But the bull riding was cool and I danced so much that Monday, I could barely move without wincing (it always takes 2 days, in my case, for serious muscle aches to set in after over exertion). And all-in-all, I label it a success. Memories. Not all pleasant, but there, nonetheless.

I meant to post a birthday post for the boy about the memories I have of him and all that flashes before my eyes at each birthday, but time and heat have a way of making sure that I don't. I will do it sometime this week.

The neighbor, who remains his normal, undersexed self, has been spending more evenings of late, over here. Mostly complaining, but chatting and laughing as well. We've come to a place where I can forgive him for hurting me, but I will never forget how badly he wounded me and how he cared so little that he had. He showed me a side of himself, that I, nor any of us, thought might be there and in doing so, made sure that I would never find him attractive or in any way appealing again. A friend of ours brought it up the other day "D and you would make such a cute couple". To which I replied "No, the handsome boy and I would make such a cute couple" And then I explained to her that if I was in ANY way attainable for him (D), he wouldn't even look at me twice, except for to bum cigs or hit on me when no one else was available. I've walked that path before and a Trail of Tears, it undoubtedly is. Nothing but hurt lies in that particular direction and I refuse to subject myself as well as the kid to it again. However, the man will always be a close friend of mine just because when he isn't whining or spewing vitriol, he is so full of life and so happy to just be who he is. He charms me. Not to the point that he literally sleeps in my bed anymore (for 2 years, the man slept with me and we had sex an astonishing total of twice throughout the whole time, the second time was just as bad as the first, if not worse). But he is always welcome in my home.

I have got to get to bed. I just didn't want you all to think I was sitting in the clink, somewhere, although, it did get close. When a drunk man that I was dancing with swung me out into the path of a drunk girl in a pink cowboy hat, she spewed "Well, fucking excuse YOU!" It took all I had to just roll my eyes and walk away. I was practically frothing at the mouth to give her (all 78 pounds less of her!) the ass whipping she deserved in order to teach the little snot some manners. But I took the high road and walked away. Later, I saw her being chased out the door by two cops, so apparently someone within the dance didn't have children and hadn't built up the amount of patience for ignorance that I possess.