the cold, hard truth settles in.

Today, I passed the football field where the funeral will be held tomorrow and a lump the size of Montana lodged in my throat. I suppose it's finally sinking in; our beloved Pepper is gone.

I guess I have been in a state of denial, of some sort. I can talk candidly about the accident and the repercussions felt throughout our county. But for some reason, it didn't sink in until I passed the field where people were sitting out chairs. Then, I felt like I was choking and tears rolled down my face, all the way home.

I know all the platitudes. I've even uttered all the banalities, myself. About how he wouldn't want us to be sad and down in the mouth over his death. I say them and I recognize them, but sometimes that doesn't help. I AM sad and I am beginning to mourn the loss of him. More than I realized.

Tomorrow is the funeral. I expect it to be a grand affair with lots of laughter and even more tears.

And I hate crying in public!