awash with guilt
I always feel so guilty about not posting... I hope you all forgive me for my laziness (all 2 of you!).
The weather has started to change once again. The afternoons are full of soft, slightly chilly breezes and abundant, soft, springy sunshine. I love it when the light is like that. It's almost as if you could reach out and take a bite out of it. Everything is golden and almost muted. Fall produces those days, mostly. But every now and again, you'll find them in the spring. I like taking pictures on these sorts of days. Have I been? Ummm, no. Another neglected 'sport' that suffers from my laziness.
I've been taking care of mom and dad's pets while they are gone. One of them is my own and once I can get her spayed, I will reclaim her. I might end up finding her a new home because god, she drives me insane at times and her breath stinks (nothing worse than feeling slightly nauseous and having dog breath clog up the air around you). But before the boy, she was my kid and I would feel terribly guilty for pawning her off on someone else.
Mom and dad are on their way home. Mom just couldn't handle it. She is worn out and worn down and lonesome for her home and her animals. I wish that she would get out and do more, and then maybe, these occasional trips wouldn't wear her down so far and so quickly. I worry about her more than I put across on here. I worry about her almost constantly. It's always in the back of my mind and I feel bad for her because I know that my dad can be really dick-headed about her and what is going on with her health and her mind. No one deserves to be treated unfairly for an illness, but it's just his way of dealing with it. Instead of hiding the anger that comes along with the terror of losing someone you love, he hides the terror and displays the anger, most frequently at the one whom he worries over. I've been the recipient of that funny little quirk of his more than once. I do think, too, that he is so afraid of loving someone and losing them, that he prefers to push people away who affect his emotions so that he won't hurt so bad if he does lose them.... Of course, that's just my opinion, I COULD be wrong. It could also be the plain and simple fact that he is a man, and who know's what goes on with their minds?
Tottler is still suffering from a rather nasty cough and accompanying snot face. His poor little nose, I bet it gets rubbed at least 30 times a day. He is full of little boy energy. Jumping in half dried mud puddles, caking his boots and his pants. That was today's big fight. I am so sick of him doing this kind of shit. Laugh if you will, but he is convinced that the mud... it looks, to him, like 'cow poop'. He feels so proud and... manly (?) when he is strutting his stuff, covered in 'cow poop'. Drives me up the wall. He cracks me up, though, when he gets that little boy swagger going on. Trying to be all macho. Yeah, I guess I'll keep him.
Not much to report. Work has been a nightmare for the last 2 days.
Our regional human resource director tried to fire Clint (broken neck'd neighbor) and tried to convince me that we would just hire him back on when it all gets sorted out. No, I don't think so. Our company has a policy against hiring people with certain felonies and certain misdemeanors with in the last seven years. So I talked her into a personal leave of absence with no pay. I feel bad, but it was the best I could do. I thought she was going to choke when I stood up to her, but you know, if it was one of these guys that goes from job to job to job and just wanders the country, shifting aimlessly, that would be one thing. But Clint really likes his job and he is a valuable employee. He just has a fucked up personal life.
I also had to spar with one of our employees over her pay. She was pissed that this kid got hired at a higher rate than she did and she's been here for 3 years. Well, she's hired as a laborer and he was hired as equipment operator. She was all snotty about it and I got just as snotty back with her. Funny how that works, huh? Her and her husband have been getting big for their britches, here for a while, now. His little brother is the one who hired into equip. operator and he's just as bad. Yes, it's PMS week and I let him have it, too. He was pissed over not being paid for working the holiday. Yeah, buddy, come in here to do your background check and try to convince me to put you in a day early, without getting the ok on your background check. Nope, you are shit outta luck.
I do like my job, I swear. But I am amazed at the amount of babysitting, coddling and hand holding I have to do. Not to mention, having people come in with this attitude of "this is how it is going to be and you will just do it my way, right now".
I used to be the one looking for the job. I interviewed at many, many jobs over the years. And I never once walked into a place to fill out applications and acted like that to an office manager, a secretary or otherwise. I have never been so stupid as to think that I could act like that with an integral part of the company and enjoy my job. I suppose some don't realize that friendship with the office manager is an asset. I know I sound all self-important and snotty. I don't mean to. I just get sick of people (the last 2 days are a good example) treating me like I am naive and air headed and a complete idiot. I'm not and I am sick of putting up with people's shit. Rrrrrooooar. I am OFFICE MANAGER!
I am also sleep deprived and maybe catching something, a little feverish. Pardon my dorkiness.
The weather has started to change once again. The afternoons are full of soft, slightly chilly breezes and abundant, soft, springy sunshine. I love it when the light is like that. It's almost as if you could reach out and take a bite out of it. Everything is golden and almost muted. Fall produces those days, mostly. But every now and again, you'll find them in the spring. I like taking pictures on these sorts of days. Have I been? Ummm, no. Another neglected 'sport' that suffers from my laziness.
I've been taking care of mom and dad's pets while they are gone. One of them is my own and once I can get her spayed, I will reclaim her. I might end up finding her a new home because god, she drives me insane at times and her breath stinks (nothing worse than feeling slightly nauseous and having dog breath clog up the air around you). But before the boy, she was my kid and I would feel terribly guilty for pawning her off on someone else.
Mom and dad are on their way home. Mom just couldn't handle it. She is worn out and worn down and lonesome for her home and her animals. I wish that she would get out and do more, and then maybe, these occasional trips wouldn't wear her down so far and so quickly. I worry about her more than I put across on here. I worry about her almost constantly. It's always in the back of my mind and I feel bad for her because I know that my dad can be really dick-headed about her and what is going on with her health and her mind. No one deserves to be treated unfairly for an illness, but it's just his way of dealing with it. Instead of hiding the anger that comes along with the terror of losing someone you love, he hides the terror and displays the anger, most frequently at the one whom he worries over. I've been the recipient of that funny little quirk of his more than once. I do think, too, that he is so afraid of loving someone and losing them, that he prefers to push people away who affect his emotions so that he won't hurt so bad if he does lose them.... Of course, that's just my opinion, I COULD be wrong. It could also be the plain and simple fact that he is a man, and who know's what goes on with their minds?
Tottler is still suffering from a rather nasty cough and accompanying snot face. His poor little nose, I bet it gets rubbed at least 30 times a day. He is full of little boy energy. Jumping in half dried mud puddles, caking his boots and his pants. That was today's big fight. I am so sick of him doing this kind of shit. Laugh if you will, but he is convinced that the mud... it looks, to him, like 'cow poop'. He feels so proud and... manly (?) when he is strutting his stuff, covered in 'cow poop'. Drives me up the wall. He cracks me up, though, when he gets that little boy swagger going on. Trying to be all macho. Yeah, I guess I'll keep him.
Not much to report. Work has been a nightmare for the last 2 days.
Our regional human resource director tried to fire Clint (broken neck'd neighbor) and tried to convince me that we would just hire him back on when it all gets sorted out. No, I don't think so. Our company has a policy against hiring people with certain felonies and certain misdemeanors with in the last seven years. So I talked her into a personal leave of absence with no pay. I feel bad, but it was the best I could do. I thought she was going to choke when I stood up to her, but you know, if it was one of these guys that goes from job to job to job and just wanders the country, shifting aimlessly, that would be one thing. But Clint really likes his job and he is a valuable employee. He just has a fucked up personal life.
I also had to spar with one of our employees over her pay. She was pissed that this kid got hired at a higher rate than she did and she's been here for 3 years. Well, she's hired as a laborer and he was hired as equipment operator. She was all snotty about it and I got just as snotty back with her. Funny how that works, huh? Her and her husband have been getting big for their britches, here for a while, now. His little brother is the one who hired into equip. operator and he's just as bad. Yes, it's PMS week and I let him have it, too. He was pissed over not being paid for working the holiday. Yeah, buddy, come in here to do your background check and try to convince me to put you in a day early, without getting the ok on your background check. Nope, you are shit outta luck.
I do like my job, I swear. But I am amazed at the amount of babysitting, coddling and hand holding I have to do. Not to mention, having people come in with this attitude of "this is how it is going to be and you will just do it my way, right now".
I used to be the one looking for the job. I interviewed at many, many jobs over the years. And I never once walked into a place to fill out applications and acted like that to an office manager, a secretary or otherwise. I have never been so stupid as to think that I could act like that with an integral part of the company and enjoy my job. I suppose some don't realize that friendship with the office manager is an asset. I know I sound all self-important and snotty. I don't mean to. I just get sick of people (the last 2 days are a good example) treating me like I am naive and air headed and a complete idiot. I'm not and I am sick of putting up with people's shit. Rrrrrooooar. I am OFFICE MANAGER!
I am also sleep deprived and maybe catching something, a little feverish. Pardon my dorkiness.
posted by Lori | 7:34 PM
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