R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Posting, what to do, what to do?
I always feel a bit guilty and embarrassed for not posting and yet... I so don't have anything to talk about. While my life is far from wonderful or idyllic, it's quiet and when it's quiet, I don't have a bunch to say. I think it must be out of fear. Don't want to jinx anything, ya' know?
Today i... Signed up a guy that is on his 4th rotation at the old Z cross. Did the fuel inventory (for the record, the ranch used approx. 2,000 gallons of unleaded gas from December 28 - to January 30). Did the hay inventory, corrected it once per the old man's instructions, AFTER I asked him about where to put down a specific location. He gave me one answer and then asked me fifteen minutes later "Why did you put the inside feedlot hay into spring calvers? You KNOW we have to keep track of hay INSIDE the feedlot?" *Rolling my eyes*. I did 5 bills of sale for horses, corrected the fucking horse inventory ONE MORE TIME (we currently are running at 208 horses). I've spent the last two weeks on this friggin' inventory and I'm starting to dream about the stupid thing. Will I ever get it? I signed cute cowboy up for health insurance. He shaved off all the facial fur and *gasp* he is handsome underneath. AND he looks older. Yay! Plus, you can see the dimples. I caught him looking down my shirt a few times. *smiling coyly here* I talked to my older sister, she's on the hunt for a house. She was in the drive through at Mickey Dee's and they had a sign up: "We are out of soda for the day". How in the hell do they run out of soda????? Someone's getting their ass chewed for that one!
Today, I was talking to BzBiff and we were talking about raging at your kids. She said that she had to do some exercise where you sat on the floor and had someone scream at you, so that you may experience it as children do. I've done it, I know. And I really do try to stop when I am screaming at him in that position because it's just so damn scary and intimidating to the little guys. He's been so frigging rotten these last couple of weeks. I know what it is that is turning him into a demon and I am hoping that I can fix it soon. But ohmygod.
Last night, example: I was throwing whites into the washer and I asked him where all his socks were going. he said to me "They are in the top drawer of my dresser. What are you, stupid?" in such a snide voice. The child should feel blessed that he is able to walk and talk today because I came really close to hurting him an awful lot. What he said was bad enough. The tone of it just did me in. It was so disrespectful and so ugly. Oh god. I told him to come here to me, in THAT tone of voice, the one where you can tell I am hanging off a ledge by mere fingernail skin. He immediately started boobing and "I'm sorry". Later, he told me (which is his favorite 'make mom feel guilty enough that SHE ends up being the one to apologize' tactic) that I scared him cuz I was so mean. I told him that he SHOULD have been scared and if I had been dumb enough to say that to his Papa (my dad, his idol) when I was his age, I wouldn't have walked across the room to the corner, I would have slid DOWN the wall and landed there. Not that my dad (or mom) ever abused us, but BY GOD, we had complete respect and a healthy fear of them. Not that I want Ty to fear me, but I do want him to know that I am the parent and he will respect that and me and treat me the way I should be treated. God knows I try to remember to treat him with respect in such ways by not standing over the top of him while I rage. I'm still pissed that he thinks he can act like that towards me. Hopefully, it is just him growing up and not his father reinventing himself in Tyler by simple genetics.
Gotta go, The Gauntlet is on. I love me some MTV!!!! Laters
I always feel a bit guilty and embarrassed for not posting and yet... I so don't have anything to talk about. While my life is far from wonderful or idyllic, it's quiet and when it's quiet, I don't have a bunch to say. I think it must be out of fear. Don't want to jinx anything, ya' know?
Today i... Signed up a guy that is on his 4th rotation at the old Z cross. Did the fuel inventory (for the record, the ranch used approx. 2,000 gallons of unleaded gas from December 28 - to January 30). Did the hay inventory, corrected it once per the old man's instructions, AFTER I asked him about where to put down a specific location. He gave me one answer and then asked me fifteen minutes later "Why did you put the inside feedlot hay into spring calvers? You KNOW we have to keep track of hay INSIDE the feedlot?" *Rolling my eyes*. I did 5 bills of sale for horses, corrected the fucking horse inventory ONE MORE TIME (we currently are running at 208 horses). I've spent the last two weeks on this friggin' inventory and I'm starting to dream about the stupid thing. Will I ever get it? I signed cute cowboy up for health insurance. He shaved off all the facial fur and *gasp* he is handsome underneath. AND he looks older. Yay! Plus, you can see the dimples. I caught him looking down my shirt a few times. *smiling coyly here* I talked to my older sister, she's on the hunt for a house. She was in the drive through at Mickey Dee's and they had a sign up: "We are out of soda for the day". How in the hell do they run out of soda????? Someone's getting their ass chewed for that one!
Today, I was talking to BzBiff and we were talking about raging at your kids. She said that she had to do some exercise where you sat on the floor and had someone scream at you, so that you may experience it as children do. I've done it, I know. And I really do try to stop when I am screaming at him in that position because it's just so damn scary and intimidating to the little guys. He's been so frigging rotten these last couple of weeks. I know what it is that is turning him into a demon and I am hoping that I can fix it soon. But ohmygod.
Last night, example: I was throwing whites into the washer and I asked him where all his socks were going. he said to me "They are in the top drawer of my dresser. What are you, stupid?" in such a snide voice. The child should feel blessed that he is able to walk and talk today because I came really close to hurting him an awful lot. What he said was bad enough. The tone of it just did me in. It was so disrespectful and so ugly. Oh god. I told him to come here to me, in THAT tone of voice, the one where you can tell I am hanging off a ledge by mere fingernail skin. He immediately started boobing and "I'm sorry". Later, he told me (which is his favorite 'make mom feel guilty enough that SHE ends up being the one to apologize' tactic) that I scared him cuz I was so mean. I told him that he SHOULD have been scared and if I had been dumb enough to say that to his Papa (my dad, his idol) when I was his age, I wouldn't have walked across the room to the corner, I would have slid DOWN the wall and landed there. Not that my dad (or mom) ever abused us, but BY GOD, we had complete respect and a healthy fear of them. Not that I want Ty to fear me, but I do want him to know that I am the parent and he will respect that and me and treat me the way I should be treated. God knows I try to remember to treat him with respect in such ways by not standing over the top of him while I rage. I'm still pissed that he thinks he can act like that towards me. Hopefully, it is just him growing up and not his father reinventing himself in Tyler by simple genetics.
Gotta go, The Gauntlet is on. I love me some MTV!!!! Laters
posted by Lori | 6:28 PM
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