no one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another - Charles Dickens

The trip to the doctor was long and tedious. The weather sucked and my dad fretted and worried enough that Merce and I were convinced we couldn't do it on our own. He took us and we had a grand time. Well, aside from the doctor's appt., but that's another story. He had us laughing, long, loud, and often.

The doctor did another colposcopy. She said, depending on the results of the colpo (see? I've done this enough that I feel comfortable using the 'lingo'), anyway, depending on the results, she's probably going to want to do a biopsy of my uterus. I came out of there bawling. I went in expectation of JUST A CONVERSATION. I left, bleeding and terrified. I'm still somewhat terrified, but I've calmed down, somewhat. My thinking is: If it's cancer, they've caught it fairly early on and hey, everything was normal, last time, so if it's changed, it's still pretty early. AND the results could come back fine, again. Just a result of doing a pap too soon in my menstrual cycle. Keeping my fingers crossed.

In other news: The picture, which I loaded, after the post won't move... It snowed last night. I am so sick of winter. Can't it be spring now? Or something somewhat similar? I can handle the cold nights and breezy, cool days. I am, however, SICK of snow and wet shoes, cold feet, running noses and mud puddles all over my house.

Merce has a man in uniform calling her at night (no, not the illustrious Pepper!). While I am glad for her, it forces the point home that I am alone, still. She bounces from one man to the next while I sit alone on the desert floor, looking in all directions for someone. *Sigh* oh well. Only one pity party allowed a week, woman. Suck it up. Let's top all of our stress and anxiety over our health with PMS, shall we? Let's see how you fair underneath all of THAT emotional bullshit!! Struggling to keep my head above water. managing, but barely.

I am tired, fatigued, really. Despite the 8 hours of sleep I got last night. I think I'm depressed. I've been getting some nasty tension / sinus headaches (thank you, gale force winds that blow dust in my face and into my heating registers!). That adds to the weariness, but I do think that I'm getting depressed. Poor Tyler is living with Sybil and he just rolls with the flow. He knows his mama is crazy and it doesn't seem to bother him all that much. Hah, little do I know. The daycare provider has probably already turned me into child services for being the unstable parent that I am.

Off to the store. Any excuse to drive my car so that I might indulge in the love affair I have become engaged in with my XM Radio. Where I live, we have SHIT for radio stations, so I spent some of my tax refund on that. Subscription was kind of spendy, but oh well. Dad has an XM set up in the office and so I can use that. But I wouldn't have been able to with Sirius. I'm not complaining. I'm in luuuurrrrrve.