A Celebration of Life and Other Things That Cross My Mind at Six in the Morning

I am posting first thing in the morning with stiff fingers and sleepy eyes. I am definitely not one of those people that jumps out of bed with wide grin and bounding enthusiasm for the day. It's more like I roll / fall off of the edge of the bed, whimpering and feeling my way to the bathroom, mumbling confusedly about not wanting to get up and why is it morning already? It takes me about an hour to feel normal.

The boy has caught my cold and coughs and coughs throughout the dark hours. Poor little guy. I sit and rub his back and offer up drinks of water to help. I gave him some cough medicine last night to help, which it didn't. It's a cough suppressant, which I really don't like. But his doctor has convinced me to go ahead and give them a cough suppressant at night, so that they may sleep. I've still got my cough from this crap and it's been almost 3(?) maybe 4 weeks since the fevers for me. He's got a rough road in front of him.

I'm supposed to go to a funeral today. I told the deceased man's wife that I would. I'm thinking I might not. I've just got so much sadness in me at the moment, but it's a private feeling for me. I don't want to be at a funeral, excuse me, a "celebration of life" when the dam breaks. And believe me, break it will. Mortifying me into my own "celebration of life". And I have the ranch's Thanksgiving Dinner to go to right afterward and... I don't know. I might end up going after all. No one can say my mama and daddy didn't teach me no manners nor respect for dead folks. I hate to not say goodbye, but at the moment I can't bear TO say goodbye. We'll see how the day turns out.

Yesterday was the neighbor "D" - his birthday. He and I sat at Merce's consuming our weight in beer while laughing about Merce having to be at a parent - teacher conference. And watching the children go from placid, yawning and bored while Merce was there, to complete and utter heathens the moment she walked out the door. I was yelling and threatening to no avail. They know that they can walk up and love me and all will be forgiven. Monsters. No wonder they all act so rotten around me. They know I'll cave at some point. Merce won't. She's the QUEEN when it comes to being a hardass. Must go now, have to hop (more like sidle over the tub edge) in to the shower.