miss me, baby
It's been a few days.
I feel obligated to come and post and I get so far as signing in and something (usually small, about 4 and 1/2 years old and belligerent as all get out) distracts me and it never gets done. I also feel rather obligated to have something to SAY when I post. And well, I don't.
Things are quiet around here and as far as I am concerned, quiet is good. After all the drama and grossness of the last week, quiet suits me just fine.
Butt-hurt (aka Smellie aka the skank bent on ruining my psyche) has taken to completely turning around in her seat WHILE DRIVING in order to avoid eye contact. I could care less. I hope that she is ashamed and burning with guilt, but I know better. She is just merely avoiding seeing how disgusting she is, reflected through my eyes.
The assistant, he gives me hell about her. And today, I was telling him "The shits of it? This will all blow over and eventually I'll be nice... All 'Hey! How's it going?' And she will take advantage of it, all over again". To which he responded " Well you know the old saying; Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." I laughed and said "And then what? Third time's a charm?" Because should I cave and be true to ME and how I am, that is exactly what will happen. She will take advantage of me and my niceness and hurt me all over again. But what? Third time, I finally snap and break her in half like she so deserves? No, I don't think so. Third time she burns me, she suddenly sees the light and realizes what she is doing? Ummm, NOPE. So, I'll do my best to not let there be a third time. But I know me. And no matter how bitchy and awful I come across on here, I really am not. Deep down inside, buried under all the cynicism and bitchiness, lies a NICE person. And we all know what happens with nice guys (or women, as the case may be), they finish last. I'll do my best to remain aloof with hardened heart worn on my sleeve for all the world to see, but chances are, it'll crumble.
The assistant is driving me nuts. He is bored. He cleans. Today, he actually took the FULL vacuum bag and emptied it out into a garbage can, using his hands and maybe a stick, so that he could fucking VACUUM AGAIN. I understand he is bored. I understand that he is used to being outside, chasing the errant cow and calf, with the exception of lying on the couch for the last month and a half, TV blaring, remote clutched in his hand to provide him with distraction. But if he doesn't stop with the fucking vacuuming, I will certainly provide a distraction. Not to mention the fact that it stirs up so much dust and crap and my allergies are freaking out, I'll probably end up at home with the most heinous of sinus infections. He vacuums, the heater kicks all that dust around, I cough, sneeze, snort, blow and snuffle my days away. Sometimes, I fucking LOVE MY LIFE. What with all the drama and health issues that surround it.
The teenager is almost to the end of her tenure here at our house. It will be sad and lonely once she is gone. I will miss her, but I understand. The boy, on the other hand, will MOURN her absence. If she is gone for the weekend, he is constantly asking me where she is and when is she coming back. If these fucking men around here don't get their shit together, mama is going to have to visit a friggin' sperm bank so the boy doesn't drive her into a mental institution.
Growing up, I always had a sort of envious/appalled view on 'only children'. They got all the attention. When a coveted toy was wanted, the excuse of "Your sister/brother needs this..." was never thrown around.
However, they always seemed so lonely. We always had someone to play with, fight with, share the spankings with, share half the blame with. Someone who knew us and all of our dirty little secrets and while they didn't CHOOSE to still spend time with us, they still did. Because they HAD to... *evil laughter*.
I want that for Ty. I want him to know the singularity of siblings. I want him to know how it is to love someone enough that you can want to kill them in the morning, but still ride bikes with them after school. I suppose he gets some of that from his cousins, but still. They aren't siblings, no matter how often I tell him that Jr. is his brother from another mother. Dillon, too. I'm not too sure that I'm up for all of it, but I'll sacrifice myself for his growing up that way, if I should get the chance. God knows, I should probably call up his father, spend a few months in his company before I kick his sorry ass to the curb and TA-DA! I'll have the sibling required for Ty. On second though, maybe not. That whole third time's a charm thing... I'd probably end up stuck with him for life and that's not at all the reason I envision for ending up in the looney bin...
I feel obligated to come and post and I get so far as signing in and something (usually small, about 4 and 1/2 years old and belligerent as all get out) distracts me and it never gets done. I also feel rather obligated to have something to SAY when I post. And well, I don't.
Things are quiet around here and as far as I am concerned, quiet is good. After all the drama and grossness of the last week, quiet suits me just fine.
Butt-hurt (aka Smellie aka the skank bent on ruining my psyche) has taken to completely turning around in her seat WHILE DRIVING in order to avoid eye contact. I could care less. I hope that she is ashamed and burning with guilt, but I know better. She is just merely avoiding seeing how disgusting she is, reflected through my eyes.
The assistant, he gives me hell about her. And today, I was telling him "The shits of it? This will all blow over and eventually I'll be nice... All 'Hey! How's it going?' And she will take advantage of it, all over again". To which he responded " Well you know the old saying; Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." I laughed and said "And then what? Third time's a charm?" Because should I cave and be true to ME and how I am, that is exactly what will happen. She will take advantage of me and my niceness and hurt me all over again. But what? Third time, I finally snap and break her in half like she so deserves? No, I don't think so. Third time she burns me, she suddenly sees the light and realizes what she is doing? Ummm, NOPE. So, I'll do my best to not let there be a third time. But I know me. And no matter how bitchy and awful I come across on here, I really am not. Deep down inside, buried under all the cynicism and bitchiness, lies a NICE person. And we all know what happens with nice guys (or women, as the case may be), they finish last. I'll do my best to remain aloof with hardened heart worn on my sleeve for all the world to see, but chances are, it'll crumble.
The assistant is driving me nuts. He is bored. He cleans. Today, he actually took the FULL vacuum bag and emptied it out into a garbage can, using his hands and maybe a stick, so that he could fucking VACUUM AGAIN. I understand he is bored. I understand that he is used to being outside, chasing the errant cow and calf, with the exception of lying on the couch for the last month and a half, TV blaring, remote clutched in his hand to provide him with distraction. But if he doesn't stop with the fucking vacuuming, I will certainly provide a distraction. Not to mention the fact that it stirs up so much dust and crap and my allergies are freaking out, I'll probably end up at home with the most heinous of sinus infections. He vacuums, the heater kicks all that dust around, I cough, sneeze, snort, blow and snuffle my days away. Sometimes, I fucking LOVE MY LIFE. What with all the drama and health issues that surround it.
The teenager is almost to the end of her tenure here at our house. It will be sad and lonely once she is gone. I will miss her, but I understand. The boy, on the other hand, will MOURN her absence. If she is gone for the weekend, he is constantly asking me where she is and when is she coming back. If these fucking men around here don't get their shit together, mama is going to have to visit a friggin' sperm bank so the boy doesn't drive her into a mental institution.
Growing up, I always had a sort of envious/appalled view on 'only children'. They got all the attention. When a coveted toy was wanted, the excuse of "Your sister/brother needs this..." was never thrown around.
However, they always seemed so lonely. We always had someone to play with, fight with, share the spankings with, share half the blame with. Someone who knew us and all of our dirty little secrets and while they didn't CHOOSE to still spend time with us, they still did. Because they HAD to... *evil laughter*.
I want that for Ty. I want him to know the singularity of siblings. I want him to know how it is to love someone enough that you can want to kill them in the morning, but still ride bikes with them after school. I suppose he gets some of that from his cousins, but still. They aren't siblings, no matter how often I tell him that Jr. is his brother from another mother. Dillon, too. I'm not too sure that I'm up for all of it, but I'll sacrifice myself for his growing up that way, if I should get the chance. God knows, I should probably call up his father, spend a few months in his company before I kick his sorry ass to the curb and TA-DA! I'll have the sibling required for Ty. On second though, maybe not. That whole third time's a charm thing... I'd probably end up stuck with him for life and that's not at all the reason I envision for ending up in the looney bin...
posted by Lori | 6:45 PM
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