spouting off at the mouth

I was sitting here wondering what I could write about... Still don't have any idea. Everything and anything I try to write comes out so... *blah* and random. I was reading some of the stuff that I wrote last fall for Rose over at the Rowhouse and laughing my ass off at the story of 'The Great White One'. I'll have to post that here because it is pretty funny.

Most of the time when I write on here, I'm writing like I talk. I write like I am speaking to someone and most of it is so flighty and here and there, it's no wonder that I have nary a reader (or at least more than one). I think, sometimes, of deleting it or letting it just molder in internet space. And then, I feel guilty because what if? What if there is just one more person who is curious about my day? What if I never wrote again? Would there be someone out there who I don't see on a regular basis who is wondering if I finally keeled over and surrendered myself to the stresses in my life? Nah, I don't think so either.

But on the flip side, I do enjoy writing. Whether it's just rambling on and on about inane subjects that no one but only the closest to me understand or be it just something I happen to go off about on that particular day. When I'm worried or hurting or sad, I'll find something else to rant about and it kind of pushes that specific issue to the back burner for a while. Sometimes, I will write about what it is that is bothering me, but in all reality, I'm too much of an introverted person to be casting my vulnerabilities about on the internet.

When I was a kid and some older person asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wanted first to be a wife and a mother and I wanted to write. I wanted to be an author of fine stories that captivated and entranced. I wanted to be a journalist. I wanted to be able to just use the words that constantly float around in my head. I'm sure people get sick of me talking on and on and not only blathering endlessly but using words like 'captivated' and 'entranced'. I just spit the words out before I even stop to think if it might be the kind of word that my audience (or lack there of) would appreciate, much less understand. ***NOTE: Not talking about any one person who might be reading this, of course, but the general population at large, just regular every day people who have no desire nor any need for the the words 'captivated' and/or 'entranced'.***

But writing here, it gives me the chance to take my thoughts and the bumbling words that roll around inexorably throughout the cavern that might house my brain and push, prod, or poke them into some sort of order that might resemble a sentence. And that's the reason I can't delete it or ignore it. It's my stress reliever, my therapy, my catharsis. I have to keep reminding myself that I don't write here for anyone's approval nor their objection. Just clearing the air that swirls about in my head. Of course, if I tried to talk the way that I think, I would generally be a very unpopular person, indeed.

In fact, I might be well on my way to a residential suite of rooms in the nearest mental hospital based solely upon the jibberish that spouts from my mouth at odd moments of the day.

And people wonder why I am single.