And I'm off (almost)
Tomorrow, I embark upon the willful separation from my boy. Granted, it's only for 2 nights. I know, I KNOW. I just hate leaving him, my mind fills with the most horrid, tragic things, ever.
He said to me tonight, looking at my tear filled eyes "It's only for 2 nights. That's hardly a long time, AT ALL. Trust me!". Geez, nothing like being 29 and comforted by your 4 year old boy.
And so the drama continues with Merce and her love triangle. Word bounces from here to there. No one can keep their mouth shut. And then when it all comes out, everyone is aghast that someone told. Betwixt Merce and I, there have never been any kind of secrets. Everything I know, she knows and vice versa. S bitches about D (hairy neighbor) to her, she bitches about his bitching to me and I bitch about everything under the sun to her. Then the hairy neighbor comes over and bitches about S with full knowledge that anything he says should and will be considered non-secret information, especially where Merce is considered. And then, the both of them are appalled that we would spill what they consider 'secrets'. My question is... if they have been friends for 20 some odd years, can't they (and shouldn't they) go to the other and say "Hey, when you did ______ it really pissed me off!"? For crying out loud, and the LYING. For fuck's sake. One or the both of them are about anything and everything. It is so stupid. I think that we were more mature in my junior high school than these two and I'm about ready to blow them both off. Poor Merce. She's caught in the middle, between a rock and a hard place. Between her boyfriend and her friend. But, they have decided to wipe the slate clean and try again, or something.
And now, S has lied to Merce and she was crying about it. But she's a much more lenient person than I am. I would have dropped someone's ass over it. She's much more patient with idiots than I am. She said to me once (when I freaked and took something someone said to me in the most completely wrong way) that I put myself up on a pedestal and won't accept less than what I perceive to be the best. Well, shouldn't everyone? Being serious here. Shouldn't a person enter into a committed, monogamous relationship with someone thinking 'this person is absolutely fabulous'? And adjust to their faults as they surface? I maybe used to be able to enter into a relationship with people with the thought that 'yeah, this and this and this is shitty, but overall, he's a really nice person (most of the time)'. And look where that line of thinking has gotten me. I'm one big wounded, leaking heart all bandaided together. So, yes, Merce, I think that you hit the nail on the head and thank you for showing me. I DO put myself on a pedestal because I DO believe that I deserve someone fabulous and I'm not settling for anything less.
On a little bit of a freaky note here. I am really trying to NOT be freaked out by this and I'm only putting this out there so that you all will say a little prayer that this weekend turns out alright.
Last night, it was thundering and lightening and how the boy was sleeping through it, I'll never know. Anyway, I was standing in one room, watching the lightening strike all over the horizon and I heard him whisper in this hushed and fearful tone "Momma". It made the hair stand up on the back of my neck and I rushed to him thinking that the last big strike had awoken him and scared the shit out of him. But when I got to him, he was curled on his side, softly snoring. He didn't even stir when I reached out and touched his neck. Freaked me out and just gave me the freakiest feeling. I'm not saying anything bad IS going to happen (i'm also knocking on wood at the moment!) but just say a little prayer of protection for the boy and I for the weekend, would ya'? Thanks.
He said to me tonight, looking at my tear filled eyes "It's only for 2 nights. That's hardly a long time, AT ALL. Trust me!". Geez, nothing like being 29 and comforted by your 4 year old boy.
And so the drama continues with Merce and her love triangle. Word bounces from here to there. No one can keep their mouth shut. And then when it all comes out, everyone is aghast that someone told. Betwixt Merce and I, there have never been any kind of secrets. Everything I know, she knows and vice versa. S bitches about D (hairy neighbor) to her, she bitches about his bitching to me and I bitch about everything under the sun to her. Then the hairy neighbor comes over and bitches about S with full knowledge that anything he says should and will be considered non-secret information, especially where Merce is considered. And then, the both of them are appalled that we would spill what they consider 'secrets'. My question is... if they have been friends for 20 some odd years, can't they (and shouldn't they) go to the other and say "Hey, when you did ______ it really pissed me off!"? For crying out loud, and the LYING. For fuck's sake. One or the both of them are about anything and everything. It is so stupid. I think that we were more mature in my junior high school than these two and I'm about ready to blow them both off. Poor Merce. She's caught in the middle, between a rock and a hard place. Between her boyfriend and her friend. But, they have decided to wipe the slate clean and try again, or something.
And now, S has lied to Merce and she was crying about it. But she's a much more lenient person than I am. I would have dropped someone's ass over it. She's much more patient with idiots than I am. She said to me once (when I freaked and took something someone said to me in the most completely wrong way) that I put myself up on a pedestal and won't accept less than what I perceive to be the best. Well, shouldn't everyone? Being serious here. Shouldn't a person enter into a committed, monogamous relationship with someone thinking 'this person is absolutely fabulous'? And adjust to their faults as they surface? I maybe used to be able to enter into a relationship with people with the thought that 'yeah, this and this and this is shitty, but overall, he's a really nice person (most of the time)'. And look where that line of thinking has gotten me. I'm one big wounded, leaking heart all bandaided together. So, yes, Merce, I think that you hit the nail on the head and thank you for showing me. I DO put myself on a pedestal because I DO believe that I deserve someone fabulous and I'm not settling for anything less.
On a little bit of a freaky note here. I am really trying to NOT be freaked out by this and I'm only putting this out there so that you all will say a little prayer that this weekend turns out alright.
Last night, it was thundering and lightening and how the boy was sleeping through it, I'll never know. Anyway, I was standing in one room, watching the lightening strike all over the horizon and I heard him whisper in this hushed and fearful tone "Momma". It made the hair stand up on the back of my neck and I rushed to him thinking that the last big strike had awoken him and scared the shit out of him. But when I got to him, he was curled on his side, softly snoring. He didn't even stir when I reached out and touched his neck. Freaked me out and just gave me the freakiest feeling. I'm not saying anything bad IS going to happen (i'm also knocking on wood at the moment!) but just say a little prayer of protection for the boy and I for the weekend, would ya'? Thanks.
posted by Lori | 7:44 PM
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