one of those days and yum!! The handsome boy is home!!!!!!

Today was a long one. Mental work always seems to drain you much more than physical.

Tall, dark and handsome is home. Yum. Too bad I'm celibate for the next month. Too bad, like I could ALMOST risk an infection just to do some mattress thumpin' with him. He showed up at my house on my birthday "feelin' froggy". I knew it would happen; he'd show up right after I had it done. For cryin' out loud. And I had to tell him about the LEEP and stuff and, much to my surprise, he was worried and concerned. His mom has breast cancer and he's having to see that and see her after her chemo. And here I am laying this at his feet. Poor guy. The mother in me wanted to cradle him after I caught the look on his face. And the self-conscious fat girl in me wanted to wrap him up and keep him forever, as I stood there in a stinking work out shirt and boy-cut panties. Yes, really.

He came to my window and I was so amazed that he actually came out here, all by himself and not trashed out of his head that I went to the door in my underwear and the first shirt I laid my hands on. Trust me, it was NOT one of my more glamorous moments.

We sat and talked for a couple of hours, about everything. We talked about ol' SnailTrail and he told me that he wanted to go home and hang himself over it. I'm taking it on faith that he won't do it again. I told him that even if I hadn't had the LEEP, I don't know that I would be able to have sex with him because I was so skeeved over the SnailTrail thing.

I think I am absolutely adoring him.

I was going to go out and have drinks with him tonight, but no one would go with me. And I can't venture out without a wingman. I was feeling pretty bummed and sad because I felt like no one really cared. I mean, I know Merce does. And she offered to go with me, but I know she's tired and cranky and needing her sleep (after going out without ME last night *ahem* kidding, Murph). And so I won't make her. But I thought, and Merce did too, that for sure Noot would stand in for Merce as my wingman, but nope. She has stuff to do. It just hurts my feelings that when Merce wants to go, Noot jumps. I mean, I guess I didn't know how much more of a friend she is to Merce than me and it just makes me feel left out, I guess.

Funny how I come here and numb everyone's mind with my stunted emotional problems. It helps me to write about it and really, I suppose I don't have anything interesting to write, so I write about my retarded-ness, which, anymore seems to be a constant nagging in my head and heart.

Other than that, it's spring and beautiful. "Delicious" is how one crazy lady described the weather to me.

I gotta get the kid to bath and bed. Later...